When Learning Gets Hard: Grit, Growth, and Shaping Our Way Forward

By Dr. Heather J. Pinedo-Burns, Head of School

As educators and parents, we spend a great deal of time thinking about how to nurture our children's academic growth and social-emotional development. Woven through both is something equally important: grit. That stick-to-it-ness, the willingness to persevere when something is difficult, when the answer isn't immediately clear, or when success requires more than a first attempt. It is a capacity that grows alongside intellectual challenge, emotional awareness, and the confidence to navigate the unfamiliar.

And now, as we approach November, school is in full swing and learning is getting more challenging. The newness of the school year has settled, routines are established, and intellectual demands are growing. For many of our gifted learners, accustomed to moving quickly through academic work, this can be unfamiliar territory. Students are being asked to lean into challenge, manage increasingly complex assignments, and navigate new responsibilities. This is important learning, too.

Recently, I was listening to an episode of Curiosity Shop with Brené Brown and Adam Grant, featuring Angela Duckworth, whose research on grit has shaped much of our thinking about perseverance. Their conversation about Duckworth's newest book, Situated, offered a perspective that has stayed with me. Grit matters, certainly. But sometimes, rather than simply making the best of a difficult situation, we need to consider how we might make the situation better.

Duckworth shares three ways of thinking about our situations: situational awareness, situational agency, and situational responsibility. In other words, recognizing the circumstances we are in, understanding what we can influence, and taking responsibility for how we respond. Sometimes that means persevering. Sometimes it means pausing, asking for help, changing strategies, or recognizing that there may be another way forward.

What I particularly appreciated about their conversation was how ordinary some of these shifts can be. Laying out workout clothes the night before so they are the first thing we see in the morning. Keeping water within easier reach than a Diet Coke. Recognizing that the space in which we work can influence our focus, energy, and creativity. There is a reason artists have studios, and why sometimes a change of scenery makes all the difference. These are small, intentional adjustments to our surroundings that make it easier to do what we are setting out to accomplish. Rather than relying on willpower alone, we can set the stage for success.

But what does this look like when our children come home frustrated by a Math problem, overwhelmed by an assignment, or discouraged that something which once came easily now requires sustained effort?

As parents, our instinct is often to help, to smooth the path, or to offer reassurance that they just need to keep trying. And sometimes that is exactly what they need. Other times, perhaps the more powerful move is to ask, "What's making this hard?" or "What might help you get unstuck?" We can help our children think about the conditions that support their learning. Would a quieter space make a difference? Would breaking an assignment into smaller pieces help? Is it time for a break, a different strategy, or a conversation with a teacher? We can resist the urge to immediately solve the problem for them, while also remembering that productive struggle does not necessarily mean struggling alone.

I found myself returning to our AISNE Parent Education workshop with Sarah Ward earlier this fall and her work on executive functioning. Helping children plan, initiate, organize, and follow through is not separate from developing grit. It is part of giving them the tools to persevere. Sometimes the most meaningful support we can offer is just enough scaffolding for our children to take the next step themselves. And over time, we hope they begin to recognize and create those supports on their own.

Sometimes, the most wonderful examples of this learning emerge in ways we could never have planned.

Recently, an Acera teacher was reassuring her students that when approaching a new sketch, effort and a willingness to try matter far more than getting it right the first time. She jokingly acknowledged that drawing was not exactly her strength, particularly when it came to couches. Apparently, her previous attempts at drawing a couach had become so memorable that a former class had declared, "No more drawing!"

Later that day, a student returned with something for her teacher: a carefully illustrated, six-step guide titled How to Draw a Couch, complete with a final drawing and the delightful instruction, "Enjoy your couch." And the encouragement hasn't stopped there. The teacher continues to receive written advice and words of encouragement from students to keep trying her hand at illustration.

I love this story. Not simply because it is funny, or because it captures the wonderfully creative minds of our students, but because it illustrates something much larger. These students recognized someone else's struggle, considered what might help, and created a scaffold to make the task more manageable. They didn't simply encourage their teacher to try harder. They didn't offer to do the drawing for her. They offered a way forward.

And for me, this is one of the many gifts of an Acera education. It is not only what our students take away from their learning, but what they are increasingly able to contribute. The strategies, empathy, creativity, and agency they develop become tools they can offer to others. The learning comes full circle.

As November begins and the learning gets harder, I hope we can remember that our goal as parents is not simply to raise children who can push through difficulty. It is to help them become learners who can recognize a challenge, understand what they need, seek support, reconsider their approach, and create their way forward. Acera students are children who know when to persist and when to pivot, and who increasingly recognize that they can help shape the conditions for their own success and the success of others.

I hope you'll join me in reading Situated. It is giving me much to think about, both as an educator and as a parent. And perhaps the next time our children encounter something difficult, we might respond with a little curiosity: "What would help?"

Sometimes, that might be all it takes to begin drawing a couch.